Warning: Do not read if you haven’t seen True Blood Season 5, Episode 3 – Whatever I Am, You Made Me
“You know what they say about gentlemen, they don’t brag about sloppy seconds” – Bill
Oh how I enjoy being right! Yes, just as I predicted Steve Newlin is in fact Nan’s replacement as the face for The Authority’s mainstream movement. He’s also coming close to overtaking Pam on the best lines of the night. (“All they want is to feel safe, to know that they’re good and right and they’re gonna end up in a heaven full of puffy clouds with everyone they love wearing angel wings.”) Now, whether or not The Authority actually had him made for this purpose or are simply taking advantage of it still remains up in the air, but I’m going to stick to my original theory, because what am I without my convictions?
Now that my gloating is out of the way, lets get to the rest of the episode, and what an episode it was! Since we’re already talking about The Authority, lets just continue. After taking in the suggestions of the Chancellors, The Guardian decided to let Bill and Eric go ahead with their plan of bringing in Russell by themselves, although he took the precaution of having them properly booby trapped should they attempt any funny business. The stakes strapped to their chests are certainly going to pose a challenge later on, mostly in obstructing our view every time they’re shirtless, but this precaution at least made sense. Roman’s methods of intelligence gathering did not.
Though I have no way of proving myself, I would like to say that the moment Salome started flirting with Bill I knew something was up, so once again, I was right. Apparently Roman used his “secret weapon” to determine if Bill and Eric really were a part of the Sanguinista Movement, and for whatever reason, she had to sleep with both of them to determine this. No, it doesn’t really make sense. Maybe they just had to make up for all the sex no one was having last week. Although, if what Salome told Bill about her human life was true, and Wikipedia suggests that it is, then isn’t Roman doing the same thing? Trading on her body for his own power and information? She seemed happy enough with him at the end (and yay shirtless Stabler!), but I would think after two thousand years of this treatment, she might be resenting it a bit. If anyone is an inside threat to The Authority, my money is on her.
Which brings us, I believe, to the theme of the episode; makers and their progeny. Using a Biblical character, Salome, gives us a starting point for determining the age of The Gaurdian. I am going to assume that Roman, being the leader of The Authority, is the oldest, I am also going to assume that he is Salome’s maker, given her devotion to him despite his using her like a common whore. So, I would therefore like to reinstate my opinion that Bill and Eric better be very careful with how they proceed, because Roman is one old vampire.
But of course my favorite storyline touching on this theme was more backstory into Pam and Eric. I think I would be content to watch an entire hour of them roaming the world and flirting up a storm, spinoff perhaps? But, until then I will have to make do with the tidbits we get, and they did not disappoint. So it turns out I was wrong, it happens, and the dead girls were a result of vampires, but luckily not Eric. I have to say I was shocked to see Bill bobbing in between that poor girl’s legs, but it makes sense. He and Lorena always showed a fondness for working girls. I guess what was most surprising was that I had always figured Bill and Eric’s animosity began because of Sookie, but I guess the vampire world is a small one indeed. It also greatly explains why Pam has never warmed to Bill, no matter the circumstances.
But back to Eric and Pam. After rescuing Pam in the street Eric comes calling to the whorehouse, but only has eyes for Pam. Dropping a variation of the “everyone has a price” line was cliché, but luckily Alexander Skarsgard is charming enough to pull it off and apparently Pam agreed. So her price was to protect her girls from the vampires feeding on them, which he did spectacularly, and she dutifully honored her debt. Post coital, she asked to be turned, but being a maker was not a responsibility Eric was ready for. Although, once she slit her own wrists his options were limited. But they were still there. He could have drained her and let her die, and it probably wouldn’t be the first time he’d done so, but instead he turned her and they did indeed walk the world together. Eric keeps getting more honorable by the minute.
But it was Eric’s statement that abandoning a new vampire was like tossing a
newborn into the gutter that resonated most deeply. When Pam agreed to make Tara she alluded to having already made one vampire, who as far as I am aware, she has no contact with and she made it very clear when Sookie came to Fangtasia that she felt no responsibility towards Tara either. I find it strange that a vampire “raised” by someone who took the responsibility of making so seriously would be so callous with her own progeny. She still looked annoyed when she realized Tara was trying to kill herself, but she could only be annoyed if she was actually going to leave her work to rescue Tara. Perhaps, as we are learning with Eric, there is a much softer center inside that sarcastic shell. As long as she keeps the exasperated eye rolls and killer one liners (“You stupid bitch”), I’ll allow it.
In non-vampire news, Terry is still being shady, Andy officially has a girlfriend and a burgeoning online porn career, Alcide reacted like a normal, if still saintly, person finding out his friend shot his ex girlfriend, and Jason is showing signs of character growth. This last one is the only one I find worth commentating on. Haven’t we seen this before? It seems that at some point every season Jason decides he’s more than just a sex machine and attempts to prove it. That’s what drove him to The Fellowship of the Sun, to his career as a cop, and to being gang raped by a bunch of she-panthers. And while character growth is great, necessary some might say, when it’s this repetitive it’s no longer interesting. Also, this time it obviously only exists to advance the romance between Jason and Jessica, i.e. lead to more sex, so it all just seems kind of pointless.
A Few More Burning Questions:
Jason’s rendezvous with his former teacher/lover not only provided insight into why he is so voracious in his love life, but also reminded everyone that Jessica, while a vampire, is still a teenager. If it was wrong for Jason, as a teenager, to sleep with an adult, isn’t it just as wrong that all these grown men are sleeping with Jessica?
Speaking of, are we supposed to believe that someone who names their cat Prince Charming taught Jason Stackhouse everything he knows about sex?
Also, is it safe to assume that Jessica has come across her own fairy? We still haven’t gotten an explanation about the fairy that acosted Andy at the end of last season…
Will Alcide turn Sookie in or, with her two main squeezes away; is he being set up to be her love interest this season?
Everyone keeps lying about Nora already meeting the true death, but now that she’s admitted to being a Sangunista, however true that might bbe, will they actually go through with it?
Why did Bill get a quickie in a dank sewer and Eric got a slinky seduction in a plush bed? Actually, nevermind.
– Devin Mainville