True Blood: Must Be Thursday

Warning: Do not read if you haven’t seen True Blood Season 5, Episode 5 – Let’s Boot and Rally.

Let’s go hunt Russell. Onwards, into the jaws of death. Boot and rally!” – Sookie

This season is shaping up to be one of the best, but I do have one minor complaint. There are way too many storylines going on to try and focus a review. I’m sure (hope)  in a couple episodes time they’ll start to coincide more and we won’t be jumping around as much, but right now it’s bordering on distracting.  It seems like every week after I finish my review I remember another storyline that I have to go back and add, but then realize it only had two minutes of screen time. And my theory that time spent on a story is related to how important it is was shot to hell with Sam and Luna, but we’ll get to that later.

Doing their best Scooby-Doo impressions.

For now I would like to focus on the (semi) triumphant return of Russell Edgington.  I felt like his big reveal was a bit of letdown given the build-up. Eric, Bill, Sookie, Alcide and that poor parking garage attendant spent almost the entire episode lurking around that creepy abandoned building with scary movie music playing and then our big bad guy is just a weak old man in a bed? Lame. Not lame was the wolf noises and Alcide going down. Is it safe to assume that werewolves are the ones taking care of Russell? He did control them before and if he has them back on V it would probably be easy to control them again. And it makes sense that he would need someone not related to The Authority to take care of him.

Ah, The Authority. My conviction that Salome is the one who freed Russell has only been reinforced by the garage attendant’s memories. For it to be Nora would be too easy and I honestly don’t think she would sell Eric out. Godric raised his children better than that. So, if Salome is the one helping the Sanguinistas, then she must assume that Eric and Bill are much further from finding Russell, because they actually worked pretty well within the time restraints she set.  Now that he’s been found they better get a message to The Authority ASAP before she kills them off.  Luckily for Eric and Bill they’re the stars of the show, so I don’t think they’ll be getting iStaked anytime soon.

Word of advice, when you hear gunshots, don’t go running outside.

Back to wolves though, I’m thinking they might be the ones behind those masks killing off shifters. For the life of me I cant think why anyone would want to kill a shifter. They harm no one, they’re practically Canadian they’re so nice, and they generally don’t go promoting their super naturalness the way some other supes do. But, regardless of the confession from Alcide, perhaps the wolves still feel that Sam was involved in Marcus’s death. And then perhaps they have decided that all shifters need to be killed? I know its weak, but it’s all I got because this storyline came out of nowhere. I doubt they’d kill off Sam, at least this early in the season, but they better not kill Luna either. The thought of that poor baby wolf being raised by cannibals makes my heart hurt.

Mother daughter bonding

Moving on to other babies, Pam (who was grossly absent from the episode) has Tara working the bar at Fangtasia and alive or undead, she’s still bringing the sass like she’s back at Merlotte’s.  I have to say I loved the idea of Jessica and Tara being friends. And really, if anyone can relate to being turned against their will and making the best out of it, it’s Jessica. By the way, what happened to The Authority that forced teenagers to be made as a punishment? That doesn’t seem to fall in line with the idea of mainstreaming and if the timeline of this show is to be upheld, this practice was still being observed about a year ago.

Anyway, the friendship was short lived when Tara started chowing down on a heavily guy-lined Hoyt. I’m glad that Jessica still has enough feelings for Hoyt that she wants to protect him and I’m pretty sure Hoyt’s whole purpose in frequenting Fangtasia was to have this eventual encounter. But they better not get too comfortable in the nostalgia of their feelings because the writing has been clear from day one; Jason and Jessica will be together before the season is over.

Truly, the most disturbing development was with Terry and is army buddies. It turns out that getting and high and shooting civilians wasn’t even scratching the surface of the horrific things Terry did in Iraq.  Nope, turns out that one of the civilians actually survived, but rather than help her, they shot and burned her body along with the others, but not before she managed to curse them with an ifrit, a mythical creature of fire that has been out to destroy the members of the troop since they returned home. It seems strange that the ifrit has saved the two men most directly responsible for the curser’s death for last, but I don’t pretend to know how a fire beast’s mind works. And its clear this creature of pure evil will be hard to stop, even flame retardant walls don’t slow it down, but according to Wikipedia (so helpful this season) it can be fought with magic. So maybe Lafayette shouldn’t get rid of his demon face quite so quickly. At least in the war of believable CGI, it definetly wins.

There are way too many shirts in this picture.

And this weeks most pointless storyline goes to Jason and his reflections on his parents. I’m not saying its not an interesting plot, in fact I’m quite interested to find out why vampires might have killed the Stackhouses, but literally nothing happened in this episode to advance that storyline. It was just a bunch of dreams and crying in graveyards. Snore. But at least Jason has stopped whining about being taken seriously for a while.  Perhaps if he’s over that he get under someone else next week. Because True Blood is seriously lacking in the sexy time department this season. Poor Alcide is never gonna get any, Eric has had his shirt on since his sister got snatched, and even Jessica seems more interested in feeding than fucking. When the only consistently naked character is Andy, there is a problem. True Blood, you’re lucky these storyline are so engaging because your title of sexy summer show is quickly slipping away. This is a post Magic Mike world we’re living in. Step. It. Up.

A Few Last Burning Questions:

What the hell was up with Jesus’ severed head??? And why did both Lafayette and his mother see it? I was so freaked out by the whole thing I couldn’t even properly recap it.  Sorry.

When is Roman going to figure out that Salome is Sanguinista? And how epic is that anger going to be? So excited.

Oh, you remember Holly now, Andy? Maybe you should’ve been thinking about her a little more at the fairy orgy, hmm?

Can Sookie just be drunk for the rest of the season? Its probably my new favorite thing.

Discuss amongst yourselves!

– Devin Mainville


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