True Blood: Dragons, and Pigs, and Plot Cohesion, Oh My

Warning: Do not read if you haven’t seen True Blood, Season 5, Ep. 9 – “Everbody Wants to Rule the World”. 

“There are two things I try to stay away from. Humans who eat a lot of fish and politics. So whatever comes next, we keep our heads down, our tits up and the blood flowin” – Pam  

Shoes will be your downfall. Well, that and videotaping your crimes.

Two storylines down and only about 11 more to wrap up before the season ends; and the guest stars are dropping like flies on the wall. As quickly as the hate group storyline was introduced its been closed. After a late night interrogation with Jessica, Jason was highly motivated to find the dragon and save Hoyt. After some expert YouTube detecting, Andy and Jason realized that the character awkwardly reintroduced two episodes ago was the one behind the supe serial killings. Of course dear old Sheriff Dearborn (or Larry as he will always be to most) wasn’t the real mastermind or the real dragon; that would be his chubby, hateful, square dancing mistress Sweetie. Sweetie, while not living up to her name, seemed like an interesting character and I’m a little sad we only got a brief moment of her insanity before she was being straddled by a naked Luna and carted off to jail.

Before we found ourselves in the pigpen though, Sookie was chatting with Bud about the night her parents died. After Lafayette stopped by to commune with the many spirits chilling in Sookie’s bedroom, he got a cryptic message from Gran Stackhouse. Sookie was literally sleeping on the answers to who Warlow might be. Because for some reason spirits can never just tell you anything outright. Kind of a pointless to be a medium, really but I digress.  When Sookie looked through the box of keepsakes, all she found was context for Bud to be leading the hate group, so I’m thinking Gran is gonna have to be little more specific if she wants Sookie to figure anything out.

The least developed storyline of the season also came to a close this week, and managed to do so in the same two minute span its been given in every episode leading up to this. I wondered last week if Patrick running out of the séance was out of fear or to grab his own gun and it turns out it was little bit of both. Terry decided he would to the honorable thing and have fair fight with his former friend and commander, but if what Patrick said was true, than Terry would have cleaned the floor with him, a fact Terry probably knew so maybe it wasn’t so honorable after all. Not that it mattered of course because Patrick showed up at Merlotte’s to use Arlene as bait to lure Terry into a trap. (Side Note: Arlene arrived to work at some point in the day and Terry didn’t arrive until some time at night. How did no one try to come eat at Merlotte’s at all that day and not notice something was wrong? As far as I can tell it’s the only restaurant in town so I would assume someone would complain if it was inexplicably closed all day. End Side Note.)

This is not the face of someone doing the right thing,

Anyway, when Terry finally showed up there was a tussle, some words were exchanged and it looked like there might finally be some closure for everyone’s favorite vet. He had Patrick on his knees begging for his life and Arlene in his ear urging him to pull the trigger, very reminiscent of the situation that brought us here in the first place. And in case no one else noticed that Patrick kindly pointed it out for us. Then the spirit of the dead lady came back and told Terry to “do the right thing”. In my mind the right thing would have been to let Patrick live and go back to his family and unborn child thus proving to the spirit that Terry wasn’t a truly evil man, which would satisfy her enough to move on. Instead Terry shot Patrick in the head and the delighted ghost had him devoured by the smoke monster. A morality lesson stolen straight from Aesop if I’m not mistaken.

Why does Bill get the weirdest sex scenes? First that neck breaking thing with Lorena and now this weird blood drinking, personality switching delusion; I bet he misses the days when the weirdest thing he had to do was feel up his wife in front of a camera crew. I was holding out hope that Bill really was only playing along and had a master plan, but it seems he’s really drank the Kool-Aid and that Kool-Aid is Salome’s blood aka Lilith’s blood. Nora revealed her own spiritual awakening came from drinking the blood of Lilith and when Bill drank from Salome he once again saw God…er Lilith. So I’m going to assume it’s the same blood, but how? Could the similar reactions be explained if say, Lilith was Salome’s maker? What if Lilith isn’t God at all, but just a power hungry vampire using her progeny to take over the world?

Maybe she wouldn’t be mistaken for a pet if you allowed her to be human once and a while.

The most exciting development of the night was that storylines are finally coinciding!! The Authority’s new regime is in full effect, pulling Tara and Pam into the storyline (and a really annoying new sheriff). Russell and the former reverend (so happy that prediction came true) paid a visit to the wolf pack and took baby wolf Emma as a souvenir which means Alcide, Sam and Luna will soon be dragged into the political mess. And even the gypsy fairies are aware of the vampire ploys and I’m assuming there to train Sookie to fight in the epic war that’s brewing. What will happen when all these characters reunite? Will they even recognize each other? Only one way to find out!

A Few Last Burning Questions:

Why is Emma consistently a wolf? Is the actress that difficult to work with?

Can’t vampires just build new Tru Blood factories with their super speed?

Did this week’s episode have  the most awkward nudity to date?

– Devin Mainville



  1. Love the quote of the week, again. Do we think Alan Ball is going to get this all set up and then leave it for his successor to clean up in a wild cliffhanger at the end of the season? Is anyone renegotiating their contracts? I wouldn’t recommend it.

  2. Angie

    I was wondering about Emma as well. Maybe the trauma she witnessed and her being so new at shifting, she can’t shift back and forth like an adult can??

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