The Voice: Battle of the Backstory

Back to the blind auditions, where we were less than 24 hours ago, and still we have another explanation of who everyone is and how the show works. I suppose that was to benefit new viewers, but then they shouldn’t have ended with a sunglass free Cee Lo. I’m betting that turned a lot of channels. Cee Lo should never not wear sunglasses, it’s terrifying. Speaking of terrifying, was it just me or was Christina’s neckline changing with each contestant? Her cleavage fluctuated between buxom to road stop hooker from singer to singer.

But on to the talent!

Adrianna Louise, a very pretty waitress and bartender had a very interesting sob story, its going to be pretty hard to top being held hostage at age 9. Brutal said Carson Daley… don’t expect to seem him nominated for best host anytime soon. She sang “Domino” by Jessi J.  A little weak, but Adam must have devised a way to tell how hot a woman is by her voice and the other judges trust his judgment in hot chicks (as they should) so they all turned around. She chose Christina, as I’m sure the 9-year-old kidnapped girl inside all of us would too.

Next, Casey Muessigmann (which he is claiming is his real name) explained how wrestling has made him a better singer because that one time he hurt himself and… something about singing. Pretty weak especially following the kidnapped chick. He took on Lynyrd Skynyrd’s classic “Sweet Home Alabama” and accordingly Blake hit his button first with Cee Lo quickly following suit. Casey played pretty well off the Adam/Blake bro-mance(although if he keeps slapping his ass for Blake, Adam may get jealous), so I’m thinking personality will be a huge factor going forward into the competition.

Then was Aquile , a kid from Wyoming and you know what? Its hard being biracial in Wyoming. How surprising. Carson asked if having his jaw wired shut slowed down his singing career. Good question, Carson. He had his jaw fully operational to take on “Your Song” by Elton John. Christina and Adam turned around at the same time, but Cee Lo waited until the last note to casually throw himself in the ring. Surprisingly, he went with Christina, perhaps just so she would get up and press her boobs against him, which she was more than happy to do.

Then came the only disappointment of the night. Ryan Fogarty is the tour production coordinator for Leann Rimes, so we got to listen to her talk about how cute he is, which is totally what this show is about. He sang a somewhat winded version of “Tomorrow” by Chris Young that impressed none of the judges. I guess Leann’s validation will have to be enough for now.

Crushing dreams is less cruel in montage form.

Time to tap into the teen demographic! 19 year-old Mackenzie Bourg had a virus that was shutting down all of his organs, but thankfully music helped him through it. I’m sorry, but this is getting out of hand. Did they mix of the contestant pool with the Make a Wish Foundation? Why can’t anyone just sing? When he finally got around to singing he took on “Pumped up Kicks” by Foster the People and it was certainly better then the version performed by former contestants. Cee Lo teased everyone and gave Mackenzie’s parents a heart attack, but eventually he buzzed in, but he was the only one. He has my vote if only for preferring to be compared to Harry Potter instead of Justin Bieber.

The last audition of the night was Julio Castillo who’s basically the adorable mariachi kid from America’s Got Talent all grown up. He was never kidnapped and isn’t dying so he decided to set himself apart by singing entirely in Spanish. He sang “La Bamaba”, which was not stereotypical at all. Blake turned around immediately and Cee Lo joined him pretty close to the end. He decided on Blake, but I think he’s going to regret that, Cee Lo is really good with different, but maybe Blake is looking for a challenge too this season.

Only Blake, Cee Lo, and Christina picked up new contestants tonight, we’ll see who joins the teams tomorrow night!

– Devin Mainville

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