Tonight’s blind audtion show was the weakest of premiere week. Maybe they thought it would be even more embarrassing for The X Factor if they sucked and still beat them, or maybe three nights is just too much, either way, it seemed like very few performances and even fewer good ones. So let’s get this over with.
First up was Samuel Mouton whose biggest misfortune was his jerk of an uncle calling him a loser on national television. But the surprise twist?? This white boy sings reggae. Lest all your stereotype dreams be shattered, know that he doesn’t sing reggae well. He took on “Redemption Song” by Bob Marley (oviously). Adam turned around immediately followed by Cee Lo and Christina, but no Blake because Blake was the only one who could hear apparently. Christina turned on the perv pretty early and then felt the need to fan furiously, hey whatever works for ya girl. Team Adam.
Time for some pretty in the form of former boy band member Chris Trousdale. He used to be one fourth of the internationally famous Dream Street. No? Nothing? Glad its not just me. But now he’s a sushi chef and it’s just so hard to be remembered and recognized every night by adoring fans wondering how he let all of that fame slip though his fingers (let’s pretend that has actually happened. Ever). I already hate him. He clearly still longs for his boy band days, and sang “Glad you Came” by actually famous boy band The Wanted. His vocals were shaky at best which is probably why no one turned around, but he did have the audience pumped up, so I’ll give him that. Here’s a kid who should have tried out for a singing completion where looks really do matter (i.e. any one other than this.) But it got Blake to bust out an awesome moonwalk, so I’ll take it.
Tonight’s montage of failure seemed the weakest of the three nights (but still ten thousands times better than the torture we have to endure on other completion shows).
Enough pretty, time for some heartbreaking tragedy. Nelly’s Echo is from Nigeria but fled to the U.S. when he was 16 because you know… Nigeria. But they had to leave his dad behind because he was in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. This might just beat the kidnapping story. He sang (and played) “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers and finally we have the first good performance of the night! Christina turned around first, followed by Adam once he hit that high note. Cee Lo is apparently looking into moving abroad, but Echo isn’t the best Nigerien spokesperson. Team Christina.
Alison and Crystal Steel aka 2Steel Girls, may look like a mother daughter duo, but they are actually part of a family band, basically the Partridge family without David Cassidy, so pointless. Blake was ready to take them before they even started. They took on “Before He Cheats” made famous by another song show winner and they started out loooow, but picked up from there and rocked it out. They are definitely better together than either is on their own. Cee Lo saw Blake toying with the idea of turning around and beat him to it, but just barely. Team Blake.
New kind of montage! The talented people without an interesting backstory, so they get picked up, but we get to learn nothing about them and only get to hear them for about 30 seconds. So that’s fun.
You know what this show is missing? Some genuine self-delusion. Enter Domo, a singer/dancer, who is way too into herself to be taken seriously. She claims to be the Lady Gaga of China, but I’m pretty sure Lady Gaga is still the Lady Gaga of China. She sang “Don’t Cha” by the Pussycat Dolls (and written by Cee Lo, who knew?) So that pretty much sums her up. She started out strong, but that quickly fell apart. But before it could Cee Lo had already turned around. Thirty seconds into her talking you could tell Cee Lo was looking for a way to turn his chair back around. All the other judges were way too happy to revel in Cee Lo’s misfortune. Team Cee Lo.
The final contestant of the night, Nicole Nelson, was the woman who lives in a shoe… factory (sorry, I had to do it). She’s been making a living as a singer, but only just surviving. She killed “Hallelujah” it’s an overdone song, but if you can sing it like this, go for it. Adam was the first judge to turn around followed by the other three at the same time. Adam was fighting hard for her (in the most charming way) and even though she had planned on going for Team Blake, it worked out in Adam’s favor. Team Adam.
And that’s it for premiere week, kids. See you back next week for more tears, maybe some songs and hopefully very few Carson puns.
– Devin Mainville