The Voice: Back to the Blind… Auditions

We’ve had four days to rest up and now its back to the grind! I was glad to see Purrfect is still alive, although maybe not for long as she was left forgotten to roast in the limo while Lady got all the spotlight. Sad days Purrfect, perhaps this is the moment she’ll find comfort in music and launch her own singing career. A cat can dream.

On to the human talent!

Melanie Matinez, 17, a conceptual (read: amateur)photographer was sad because people made fun of her. See, she has  gap in her teeth, much like the ugly ducking or that disgusting Lauren Hutton. She sang an interruptive version of “Toxic” by former mousketeer, Britney Spears. From the first breathy, hipsterish notes you knew Blake was going to turn around, he was followed by Adam and then Cee Lo. She clearly had talent when it comes to arranging music and playing the tambourine with her feet, but it seemed like she was trying way too hard to sound unique and that never really speaks to me. But, as Carson helpfully pointed out, the judges were fighting over her. She was looking for someone who would embrace her weirdness or just the cute one. Team Adam.

Cupid, the creator of the Cupid Shuffle (you know, that dance you did at every wedding and hokey bar for a minute), but life is hard for a one hit wonder who really wants to be known for his ART! The best way to do that is clearly to sing the song he wants people to stop equating him with. Just pretend that makes sense. Unfortunately, the song never gave him fame as a singer because it doesn’t showcase a voice the way this show demands, therefore no one turned around and Cupid is going to have to be content with his limited dance craze fame.

Brian Scartocci married his high school sweetheart which resulted in him being a single father and a laborer. Sacrifice! Its so much more tragic because it’s a man!! He sang “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder. Adam, Blake, and Cee Lo turned around at the same time, and while Christina was impressed by his woo, she was not woed and stayed turned around. Cee Lo delivered his producer prompted question so we could have some emotional music to accompany his sad, sad tale. Blake and Adam played their best bickering couple, but in the end… Team Adam. Side Note: Did anyone else notice Brian undressing himself as he nervously pondered which judge to choose? It made me extremely nervous.

Montage of subpar duos!

Beat Frequency, a husband wife duo, not a pimp/stripper duo, as it would appear, were up next. They gave up their home and potential children for this! Because clearly you can’t have a house or a kid if you want to sing, for God’s sake! They sang “E.T.” by Katy Perry and as much as I wanted to hate it, was kinda awesome… until Christina actually turned around and it got a little weird, perhaps they were just excited for being chosen to keep it good, but it was only decent in the end. I felt like Christina was regretting turning around almost immediately, but she covered fairly well. All the judges agreed they were the best duo of the day, but having seen some of the other duos, that’s not saying a whole lot. Team Christina. Side Note: Who still owns a crimper??

Tyler Lillistall is a baseball player AND a singer. Both at the same time, and surprisingly it isn’t that hard! He was surprised by a Carson Daly invite at Dodger Stadium after performing the National Anthem. It was sweet and I’m not going into his audition hating him, so all in all, good package (if too many baseball references). He took on “U Got it Bad” by Usher and pulled it off better than you’d expect. But not good enough for the judges.

Liz “I’m really just a tomboy, ignore the five pound of makeup and six inch heels, I’m really just one of the guys!” Davis sang “I’m Here for the Party” and killed it. Her voice is strong, but her performance certainly needs some work. Adam and Christina were on board early, but it took Mr. Country himself until the last few notes to turn around. Although if he actually wanted her on his team or wanted the opportunity to pull out his ACM award, is hard to tell. I don’t know why any of the judges even bother pitching themselves to the country singers. Team Blake.

Eskimo and youtube sensation, JR  Aquino, didn’t really have a hard luck story (unless you count living in Alaska as hard luck) which was refreshing as was his rendition of “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars. There were a few weak parts and it got a little wobbly, but it was mostly good. At least good enough for Christina, Adam and Cee Lo. Team Cee Lo.

Agina Alverez, expert towel folder and once Latin singing sensation had the typical struggling singer backstory, which is basically that it’s a struggle to be a successful singer. Meh. She sang “Turn the Beat Around” by Gloria Estefan. Her voice was so much deeper than I expected I was genuinely surprised when she started singing. Unfortunately, the judges were so surprised they couldn’t reach their buttons Literally that was their excuse.  So far everyone Carson has surprised with an invite has been passed on by the judges, maybe its time to put the Kia in the garage for a bit.

Nicholas David has two names and two sons, but also once had 200 pounds on his frame. Luckily, love (not music) changed his life and he is now sober and slimmer and ready to take on music once again so he can share his message of… dieting. He sang “Stand By Me” and this was a man who definitely benefitted from the format; his voice was interesting and unique, but no other music show would have gotten past his scraggly syph beard. Still, only Cee Lo turned around. Team Cee Lo.

Alessandra Guercio, from the Fame school, aka  LaGuardia High School, is 17 going on 35 and hasn’t lived enough to have a tragic backstory so she had to rely purely on talent, fortuntealy she had that in spades. She sang “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus which probably should have been a clue to her age, but Adam still seemed surprised. Dirty, dirty Adam. Dirty Cee Lo also turned around. But lets face it, there’s only one judge all the young girls want. Team Adam.  Also, we got to hear the Fame song as she exited, so everyone wins.

Montage of uninteresting good singers! So excited to see how these people fair in the battle rounds. That’s sarcasm, these are the fodder to be eliminated quickly and quietly in the next round.

The night closed out with 16 year-old Avery Wilson and he had some large “final singer of the night” shoes to fill. He was once a dancer who sang only to himself, but his eavesdropping dad put an end to that and now he is a singer. The only time stage parenting has been made somewhat endearing. He sang “Without You” and it was clear from the first few notes his father had been right. Cee Lo, Adam, and Christina turned around one right after the other and after a brief pause, Blake. He’s not the strongest singer, but he certainly has raw talent and it ended the show on a very positive note (pun intended). The judges laid it on thick but in the end he made a surprising choice. Team Cee Lo.

All the teams are around half complete lets see where tomorrow night leaves us!

– Devin Mainville


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