The Voice: The Power of Fleetwood Mac Drives Away the Sob Stories

At the top of the show the coaches gave us insight into what they looking for for their team. Christina is going for pop, Adam for diversity, Cee Lo is looking for the best of the best, and Blake is after a star. So that clears things up.

We might only have one more night (hopefully) of the blind auditions, but if you want a fun game check out all the continuity issues with Christina’s cleavage. Either her top goes up and down more often than an elevator or there is some crazy editing going on with these auditions.

Speaking of auditions…

Michelle Brooks-Thompson was the first contestant of the night. She is a full time bank employee (represent!) and mother with adorable twin daughters and an equally adorable former pro-football player husband. He signed to the Rams, but was let go before he actually got to play. Luckily, they still have the music. She started the show out with a rousing rendition of “Proud Mary”. She’s got a severe case of the crazy eyes when she sings, but damn can the girl sing. Adam and Cee Lo turned around as soon as she hit that high note, but Christina teased it out until the end to turn her chair around. I guess promptness meant more to Michelle than who knew what best to do with that voice. Team Adam.

Diego Val has a disease that disintegrated his hipbones. I thought bones only disintegrated in superhero movies. It legitimately sounds rough and he has legitimately used music to heal and now shares that with others by singing to sick children in the hospital. I’m guessing he has no trouble with the ladies. He sang “Animal” by Neon Trees with raspy gravel that then broke into a Spanish verse! The crowd was loving it, but only Cee Lo agreed.  The other coaches were ok with Cee Lo getting him because then maybe they can steal him later. New twist alert! Team Cee Lo.

Lauren Brooke was up next. Its probably not a good sign when the singer admits that she needs to sing in a place that echos. So do I, Lauren and I’m sure not going to audition for The Voice anytime soon. Not only was Lauren locked in her closet singing, she also couldn’t read and her uncle died four years ago and he really gave the best Christmas presents. Like seriously, her life is hard, music is all she has, guys. She twanged and warbled her way through “Cowboy Casanova” by Carrie Underwood, but none of the judges were impressed. So that’s also really hard. Her life is the worst.

Susanna Chofell is a music teacher, which seems to just be code for a babysitter with a guitar. Her saddest story is that she’s worked really hard to get here. Gotta repect that. She sang “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac, easily one of the most beautiful songs ever and she was giving her Stevie Nicks best. Adam turned around almost immediately followed by Blake, but Christina only teased and Cee Lo didn’t look like he was paying attention. Its hard to tell with the sunglasses. Adam and Blake bro bickered over her but Texas pride runs deep. Team Blake.

Montage of the uninteresting people Blake got! And one was a mohawked 16-year-old! Jeez, who do you have to kill to get a package on this show? Oh, yeah, your entire family.

Dez Duron was a familiar face from last season and had to be embarrassed all over again by a clip of him sincerely singing “I Want it That Way” by BSB. This time around he sang the equally embarrassing “Sara Smile” by Hall and Oates with a smooth, if a little cocky, tone. Blake turned around and instantly recognized the former contestant. He clearly has a better memory than me. Or better producers in his ear. Blake tried a little reverse psychology on Christina but she wasn’t falling for it and turned around followed by Cee Lo. Christina fought hard (you wear that shirt when you sing gospel, Xtina?) and Blake tried the hitting on him approach to sway him, but to no avail. Team Christina.

VJ is a music teacher who has been performing since he was a child. How original. At least he had no tragic illness or dead acquaintances. He also has a bit of an obsession with Cee Lo and thought the best way to impress his favorite judge was to turn his hit single “Forget You” into his own. His voice was smooth, but the transitions from the high to the low notes were not. Cee Lo was having none of it and neither were the other judges.  Christina wanted more spank in the performance, so clearly this was at the end of the day.  He might not have gotten on the show, but he did get to sing with his hero and I’m thinking that’s all he wanted anyway.

When I saw Alexis Marceaux teased before the break, I knew her story was going to grate on my nerves which would then make me feel like a horrible human being. She had been living in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina and yes, those home videos were devastating and I can’t imagine how traumatic that must have been, but I also don’t think it has a place on a music competition program. It just felt like pandering. She kept with the Fleetwood Mac theme of the night with “Go Your Own Way”. she had less of a Stevie influence, but was still quite strong. Cee Lo felt the pull of a fellow quirky soul and was the only judge to turn around. Team Cee Lo.  Side note: her brother is the nerdier version of Napoleon Dynamite.

Montage of the filler people, pinterest break!

Brandon Mahone may be 17, but he is an old soul with a fondness for soul. He had some gang problems in high school in Chicago and his mother did the right thing of moving away to protect him. He showed off his soul with “I Wish it Would Rain” by The Temptations. I hate when people say this, but it really did have a Michael Jackson feel to it, circa Jackson 5. Everyone but Blake turned around. Adam clearly gave the best argument (the next in line and all that jazz) and Brandon agreed. Team Adam.

Jeffery James has so far tried to sneak his way into a singing career by throwing his demo in the back of the cars he valets and hoping for the best. So far that has not worked out, so he’s giving The Voice a try. He took on “A Little Less Conversation” by the King himself. The King is indisputable, but this particular song leaves little room for showing off vocal range which gave the judges no reason to turn around.

Another montage??? This time of the uninteresting and the untalented. Even the producers seem over these blind auditions.

Jordan Pruitt was a child singing sensation who had an album when she was 9 and then sold her soul to Disney. After assuming a new identity she was able to break free of that contract and now she is ready to transition into the world of the adult singing. Christina gave us some foreshadowing and Jordan gave us some Katy Perry with “The One that Got Away” and guys, it was pretty awesome. Only Christina turned around, but as Carson helpfully pointed out, that’s all you need. Team Christina.

The coveted final spot of the night went to 42 year-old Terisa Griffin who moved out at young age to chase her dream. She took the risk of tackling Adle’s “Someone Like You”  and more than held her own against the powerhouse song. All the judges were yelling about pushing buttons, but Christina was the first one to actually do it followed by the instigator Blake. Adam and Cee Lo had been smoking a special kind of crack because they ignored the phenomenal performance. Blake actually did more to convince her to join Christina’s team than his own. But, Terisa flipped the tables and started interrogating the judges and the chemistry between her and Blake was instant. And so, as Adam dubbed, they became a match made in hell. Team Blake.

Not too many sob stories tonight, but enough for me to be insanely over these auditions. Oh well, see you tonight Christina Cleavage!

– Devin Mainville

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