The Voice: What Goes on Behind Cee Lo’s Sunglasses

Early in this episode Cee Lo was bemoaning his inarticulateness when in comes to wooing people over to his team. Kyle had a different theory. “Cee Lo spends so much time imagining the contestants naked that he doesn’t have time to say much.” Cee Lo only proved this theory to be creepily accurate for the rest of the episode.

Sylvia Yacoub grew up in Egypt, but her father brought her to America so she would have more opportunities as a woman. As a result her inspiration is her mother who never had the chance to use her singing talent. Good to see the American Dream is still alive and well. She started out pretty rough on “Only Girl in the World” by Rihanna and it never really got any better. Well at least not for me, the judges disagreed and everyone but Adam turned around. I can only assume this was very early in the day and the judges really wanted to test out the spin on the chairs.  Christina’s cleavage supports that assumption.  Team Christina.

IJ Quinn is a farm boy who sounds exactly like you would think farm boy would sound when he’s talking, but when he sings it kind of works. He sang “Virtual Insanity” by Jamiroquai. The judges thought it was a girl singing and so he was shut out when in reality he was ten times better than the actual chick they just put through. The episode is annoying me already.

Carson took his Kia to surprise Charlie Rey with an invitation to audition.  Charlie needs this opportunity to get his father out of the garage he owns and that is slowly poisoning him with carbon monoxide. Basically auto shops are present day coalmines. He sang “Home” by Micheal Buble and the ladies were loving it, probably because they were too far way to smell the toxic fumes seeping from his pores. Blake turned first and got very upset when Adam follows suit. Apparently having Adam and Blake fight over him was a “dream”, well that’s understandable. And the Carson curse is broken! Team Blake.

Amanda Brown grew up singing gospel but it was the angelic voice of Thom Yorke that drove her to the dark side of rock and roll. Or Adele. She sang “Valerie” by Amy Winehouse and was serving it. Hard. But only Cee Lo agreed with me. I’m not sure what that says about me. Adam claimed that had she done some more runs earlier in the song he would have buzzed in, but Cee Lo had to time to hit it and he has tiny dinosaur arms that barely reach the buttons. So I call bullshit, Levine. Team Cee Lo.

55-year-old Yolanda Barber has been singing for 45 years, but only got as far as the cruise ship circuit. Since being laid off she has been driving a school bus. She sang “Get Here” by Oleta Adams the way you would hear it on a cruise ship, i.e. very good, but not unique enough for whatever the judges are looking for at this point. No one turned around.

Casadee Pope was the lead singer of Hey Monday! who toured with Fall Out Boy so she got a fun little shout out from Pete Wentz. It’s not really that big of a deal, I mean, what else has he got to do? She sang “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia with a maturity not hinted at by her hair choices. And the final contestant of the night was a fourbie, imagine that. Team Blake.

I was really hoping this would be the last week of the blind auditions, but it looks like we’re in for some more. Hopefully my heart will thaw out enough to be ready for another deep freeze next week.

– Devin Mainville


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