The Voice: God Help Us

This felt like the shortest episode of the season yet. I understand the logic behind making larger teams to create a longer season, especially when The Voice is killing it in the ratings. But so far this season has rocketed from feeling overstuffed and drawn out to the point of boredom to whipping through contestents’ audtions and battles without taking a breath. This seems particularily unfair given the next stage of the show hinges on getting America’s vote. How can we properly vote for someone if we have no idea how many of their relatives are still living?

Rant aside, here are the battles (and it won’t take long).

Liz Davis vs. Nicole Johnson “Baggage Claim” by Miranda Lambert

It’s a country showdown of both voice and fashion. For the latter it’s an easy victory for Nicole. Sorry, Liz, green lace rompers are not ok, even in the country. If this is an indication of her advantageous years of wisdom, I’m not impressed. Nicole was having a rough time in rehearsals and Blake was not amused. No one screws up his ladylove’s song. No one. Liz didn’t show any better shorts judgment when it came to the battle, but the girl can certainly sing. They both brought the twang, but Nicole’s voice sounds more natural next to the obvious effort Liz is putting out. Christina was too busy trying to figure out how to steal Liz’s shorts without her noticing to give any real feedback and the other judges weren’t too helpful either.  So it all come down the to ability to breathe.  Winner: Liz.

Alessandra Guercio vs. Kayla Nevarez “Wide Awake” by Katy Perry

This is the portion of the show when you feel either really old or really creepy, depending on your gender. The two child prodigies of Team Adam were bringing some intense vocals in rehersals. Alessandra was shaky at the battle but decided to compensate by performing the song it as if it was what she needed to do right before she had to beat a bitch. This was not the best decision. Deep Adam Quote of the Night: “You both had your issues, but you know, we all do.” Winner: Kayla.

Christina began what seemed like a long-winded rant about herself and her long, arduous journey to becoming the Biggest Thing to Happen in Music Ever, but put the girl out of her misery and just stole her instead. Alessandra is now officially Team Christina. May God help her now.

And then we got a montage of people we have never seen before and will probably barely see again as they are sacrificed in the next round  for all the 16 year olds with fatally ill family members.

Emily Earle vs. Mackenzie Bourg “Good Time” by Owl City

Emily bemoaned that the song wasn’t in her wheelhouse, but she was wearing an owl necklace, so clearly she was prepared. Mackenzie complained he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Rob Thomas told them both to man up. It was moving. They’re both clearly talented, but there is something about Mackenzie that’s infinitely more interesting (and not just because of his boy band-edness).  Winner: Mackenzie.

And that’s it. That took one hour. May God help us all.

– Devin Mainville


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