Golden Globe Predictions

The Golden Globes are a difficult awards show to predict because, in case you couldn’t tell from the nominations, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is insane. It’s basically 12 little foreign dudes who just want to party with famous people, so they have conned their way into putting on an awards show and mostly base their nominations (and winners) on who they would most like to be their friend, as opposed to other awards shows that use, say merit or logic. It’s basically like the nerdy kids throwing a party and only inviting the popular kids because they think it will make them cool, but all the cool kids are just laughing behind their backs because, you know, Smash is nominated. But hey, it’s a bunch of pretty people all dressed up and congratulating themselves, so it’s not like it won’t be entertaining.  Also helps that they get to drink.

So buckle up, kids, these predictions make about as much sense as whatever the eventual outcome will be.

Note: Once again, when I say “will win” I mean what the latest buzz is projecting and when I say “should win” I mean who I want to win based only on my own biased opinion and actual viewings of the nominated entities (which is admittedly limited).

argoBest Picture – Drama

Argo

Django Unchained

Life of Pi

Lincoln

Zero Dark Thirty

Who Should Win:  Argo

Who Will Win: Zero Dark Thirty

It might be the wave of outrage I’m riding following those asinine Oscar nominations or it could just be that Argo was a really outstanding movie, but I’m pulling for it to sweep every awards show from here until the Academy Awards. Lincoln may be the front runner for the Oscars, but I think it’s a little too American for the HFPA, so I’ll go with whats been gracing the tops of almost every reviewer’s list. Why? Just because (and that’s basically the rationale of the HFPA, too).

Best Performance by an Actor – Drama

Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

Richard Gere, Arbitrage

John Hawkes, The Sessions

Joaquin Phoenix, The Master

Denzel Washington, Flight

Who Should Win: Joaquin Phoenix

Who Will Win: Daniel Day Lewis

Joaquin gave the performance of a lifetime in The Master, but his comments about the culture of awards shows did nothing to endear him to this fame obsessed group. Also, the HFPA loves the shit out of some DDL.

Best Performance by an Actress – Drama

Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty

Marion Cotillard, Rust & Bone

Helen Mirren, Hitchcock

Naomi Watts, The Impossible

Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea

Who Should Win: Jessica Chastain

Who Will Win:  Marion Cotillard

Because foreigners always have the jump on Americans at the Golden Globes.

lesmisBest Picture – Comedy or Musical

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Les Miserables

Moonrise Kingdom

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Silver Linings Playbook

What Should Win: Silver Linings Playbook

What Will Win:  Les Miserables

I have a real problem with this category being “comedy or musical”, since the days of lighthearted musical comedies are thing of the past. In my opinion musicals should be categorized like any other movie as a drama or a comedy and I think we can all agree that Les Miserables is not a comedy. Therefore, it has a distinct advantage over all the actual comedies. It’s not fair, but its awards show.

Best Actress – Comedy or Musical

Emily Blunt, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Judi Dench, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Jenifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

Maggie Smith, Quartet

Meryl Streep, Hope Springs

Who Should Win: Jenifer Lawrence

Who Will Win:  Judi Dench

The HFPA has a major thing for grandes dames and no less than three are nominated in this category. I chose my lucky recipient much like the HFPA by closing my eyes are randomly pointing at a name. So, congratulations Dame Judi, may luck be with you again on Sunday.  

Best Actor – Comedy or Musical

Jack Black, Bernie

Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook

Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables

Bill Murray, Hyde Park on Hudson

Ewan McGregor, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Who Should Win: Jack Black

Who Will Win: Hugh Jackman

*Please refer to everything I said in the Best Film category. Also, how much fun would it be to say Golden Globe winner, Jack Black?

bbBest Television Show – Drama

Boardwalk Empire

Breaking Bad

Downton Abbey

Homeland

The Newsroom

What Should Win:  Breaking Bad

What Will Win:  Homeland

It seems like everyone has just accepted that Breaking Bad is the best show on television and want to spread some of the love to a newbie. But what they conveniently forget is while everyone praises it to the moon and back, Breaking Bad has never actually won anything.

Best Television Show- Musical or Comedy

Big Bang Theory

Episodes

Girls

Modern Family

Smash

Who Should Win:  Episodes

Who Will Win:  Girls

Girls has been the most buzzed about show of the year and while all that earned it at the Emmys was some recognition, the HFPA is just ballsy (read: crazy) enough to give it some gold, if only for the press. Meanwhile, Episodes is the funniest thing around and no one is talking about it at all.

Best Actor – Drama

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Damien Lewis, Homeland

Who Should Win: Bryan Cranston

Who Will Win: Bryan Cranston

Because any other outcome is incorrect.

Best Actress – Drama

Connie Britton, Nashville

Glenn Close, Damages

Claire Danes, Homeland

Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Who Should Win: Claire Danes

Who Will Win:  Claire Danes

Because why not. I have no feelings about this category (except that Connie Briton is getting a cumulative nomination for multiple roles).

gg2Best Actress – Comedy or Musical

Zooey Deschanel, New Girl

Lena Dunham, Girls

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

Amy Poehler, Parks and Rec

Who Should Win: Amy Poehler

Who Will Win: Lena Dunham

It will probably actually be Julia Louis-Dreyfus taking home yet another statue, but if I’m going with Girls  for best comedy then I have to assume the HFPA worships at the altar of Dunham.  Side Note: I may not have strong feelings about the category, but its still my most anticipated for the night for the sheer awesomeness I am expecting from co-hosts Tina and Amy. I am expecting Amy’s Emmy hijinks times x1000.

Best Actor – Comedy or Musical

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Don Cheadle, House of Lies

Louis C.K., Louis

Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Who Should Win: Louis C.K.

Who Will Win:  Louis C.K.

I feel like foreigners would get him.

 – Devin Mainville

 

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One comment

  1. Sue

    I really enjoyed your observations. I, too, am rooting for Ben for Director!

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