The Voice: Mama Said Knock You Out

The building of a Pants-less Pop Star Army takes a lot of hard work. In fact, Christina would liken it to the life of a lumberjack and has dressed accordingly. Minus the pants.

Devyn DeLora vs. Laura Vivas “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston and “I Need to Know” by Enrique Iglesias

Singing Whitney Houston should probably be banned from singing competitions from now on. You may be good, but are you that good? No, didn’t think so. But Devyn was so impressed by her own performance she couldn’t stand it, which was more embarrassing than conveying any passion. Laura went with the premise that if they can’t understand what you’re saying they’ll think its better. Also, dancing like a drag queen will distract them into thinking your bi-lingual singing is the next big thing. Winner: Devyn.

Adrianna Louise vs. Celica Westbrook “Already Gone” by Kelly Clarkson and “Never Say Never” by Justin Bieber

The problem (one of many) of building a team of young pop singers is that you end up with Justin Bieber songs being chosen seriously.  Adrianna was forgettable, so much so that that’s all I have to say about her. Celica proved why this needs to be Pants-less Army since when they choose pants its gold lamé.  Oh and also she sang Justin Bieber, so please leave. Winner: Adrianna.

Alessandra Guercio vs. Dez Duron “Take a Bow” by Rihanna and “Stuck on You” by Lionel Richie

Another problem with a team of pop stars is that they’re all crazy boring. Alessandra choked in her performance just like she did last time. She took one comment about her lower register and ran with it. Perhaps a little coach sabotage? I would love to comment on Dez’s performance, but it put me to sleep. But he’s so cute, right Christina? Winner: Dez.

Chevonne vs. De’Borah “Dancing With Myself” by Billy Idol and “You Found Me” by The Fray

So after three supremely boring battles, Christina pairs up my two favorite people on her team. Thanks, Xtina. Chevonne played to her coach’s weakness by rocking the no pants look. She also managed to put a whole lot of vocals into “Dancing With Myself” that have never existed in there before. De’Borah, though brought the audience to their feet with her amazing version of “You Found Me”.  Winner: De’Borah.

Aquile vs. Sylvia Yacoub “Grenade” by Bruno Mars and “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera

Sylvia has some major balls to be taking on such a classic Christina song. Luckily she’s a super amazing singer and destroys it. Much like the original.  Aquile’s version of “Grenade” sounded almost exactly like the original, so it was good, but nothing special.  With two almost identical to the original covers, this battle boils down to which song you like better. For me, and our egotistical little coach, that will always be “Fighter”.  Winner: Sylvia.

Christina has assembled a team of cookie cutter pop stars, but I think her final contestant will be the one stand out, De’Borah.

Finally, time for some country and the endlessly entertaining musings of Papa Blake.

Gracia Harrison vs. Liz Davis “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith and “Gun Powder and Lead” by Miranda Lambert

Blake explained his thinning out process by stating that the best way to get a country singer to the end is to not split the vote. Interesting, but it also must kind of suck for his other, non-country team members.  Also interesting that Gracia then took this opportunity to not sing a country song and yet, it was still somehow country and somehow that also made it more awesome. I don’t understand it either.  Now, I don’t know much about country music, besides what I see on Nashville, but is Miranda Lambert the only female country singer nowadays? Or just the only one who has donated her entire catalog to the show? Either way, Liz killed it. Winner: Liz.

Rudy Parris vs. Terry McDermott “Forever” by Chris Brown and “Baby I’m Amazed” by Paul McCartney

I have to believe some of these random song choices were a result of limited options. I have to believe that adorable single dad Rudy didn’t actually want to sing a Chris Brown song, but was forced into it. Maybe he drew the short stick and had to take what was left. If thats the case, he worked through it and turned it out as well as possible. But, compared to a real song, like “Baby, I’m Amazed”, its no competition whatsoever. So I would prefer to think it’s a Voice conspiracy rather than self-sabotage, or even worse, bad taste. Winner: Terry.

Collin McLoughlin vs. Michaela Paige “Breakeven” by The Script and “Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benetar 

Collin is boring. Michaela is an 80s rock princess trapped in our world until she can teach us the power of rocking out. The End. Winner: Michaela.

Julio Cesar Castillo vs. MarissaAnn “Somebody to Love” by Justin Bieber and “Lady Marmalade” by Patti Labelle

Julio was decidedly not bringing it in this battle and made me yearn for the Bieber version to rid my memory of this horrific cover. Annoying name aside, MarissaAnn brought all the attitude “Lady Marmalade” requires and didn’t let up even though it might have been more humane to Julio if she had. Winner: Julio. Wait what? How did this happen? I guess Blake really does what a country singer in the finals, to the extent of sabotaging the rest of his team. On the plus side, I never have to type MarissaAnn again.

Cassadee Pope Vs. Suzanna Choffel “Payphone” by Maroon 5 and “Could You Be Loved” by Bob Marley

The secret to singing a song made famous by someone watching you sing is to do it so well that all they can think about is how awesome they are. The way not to do it, is so weakly that they are forced to think about how much better they are. Subtle difference, but an important one. Cassadee started out choosing the second path, but quickly righted herself down the first one. Suzanna has made it this far by embodying whatever artist she was given, so she took this chance to show us who she truly is. And apparently she is a 19 year-old pothead. Winner: Cassadee.

If Blake stays true to his word it looks like Liz will be his final contestent.

Slowly but surely the teams are cutting down, but next week we weild the power. So watch out coaches, you’re about to realize how little you understand about the viewing public (maybe).

– Devin Mainville

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One comment

  1. SNAPPS

    The knockout rounds were something else, and I was surprised to see so many talented acts sent packing. For me, this went down as one of the best battles I’ve watched on TV. I was most impressed with Cassadee Pope and I think she might be able to win the show. I can’t wait for more of The Voice, and to watch more with the wife who also enjoys the show, which’s one of our favorites on primetime.

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